Sunday, July 20, 2008

Christian Websites: Why So Terrible?

While searching the interweb, one thing is clear; Christians don't know how to make a website. Some with awful navigation. Others have no discernable point or scary ethical/moral veiwpoints. And some websites are just so overloaded, they can make you blind. Whatever the case, these websites exist and it's time we recognized them.

Let's take a look at some!

We'll start with this great site. Put on some sunglasses for this one. Are the makers of this website talking about Jesus, or his technicolor dreamcoat? Oh, and don't ask me what that panther(?) is for on the bottom left corner. Now that I have blown your retinas, lets continue down the wonderful road of terrible, mind-numbing websites!

Here's another great one. (OK, so it's not a homepage, but it DID come up on a Google search, so I'm counting it) I think its wonderful to see that Jesus can set you free from the shackles of... okay, I can't even finish that sentence sarcastically. Pornography, Smoking, Overeating and Homosexuality. Are these really top of the list on the sin chart? I don't think so. I'll give them Homosexuality, seeing as it seems the be the sin-du jour for most uber-christians and I'll even grant them Porno seeing as it fits well with the whole... Puritan.... thing. But OverEating? REALLY? Smoking??! I'm starting to think that these issues are more about what the site creator has been "battling" rather than what's "best" for the world. But I'm not one to throw stones. I just hope that Jesus can help that fat, gay, wheezing, pervert.

Moving on. Let's look at another site. Here's a perfect example of two things that a LOT of Christian sites seem to love; Long, droning, list-like sites that seem more like a pamphlet and less like a website, and Space. Christian web developers LOVE Space. LOVE IT! Can't get enough of it. Take a look at some, you'll find at least a few on your own that have stars and space elements running through them. What's curious is that I can't understand how God is involved with Space. Is it supposed to represent where He is? Whhat He sees? Or is it just supposed to make you feel small? Whatever the case, I don't really envision a galactic theme when considering Jesus. ANYWAY, I do enjoy that they try to say something to everyone on this page. And it starts with the Jews!... And then, ALL of Mankind. Cuz the Jews aren't in that category? Oh, and don't you think that would be a little better than this? It's like going to and finding a little site that says, "Soda is tasty, right? You should drink it". I'm sure there are a few zealots that really wish they could have that URL, but have to settle for throwing in a hyphen or an underscore in their address. Jealous?

Here's another example of the two things these websites love; SPACE AND DRONING!! I do find it ironic that the title is Let Us Reason.

These guys must have fallen victim to having to break up the Jesus and the Christ inthe URL. They must hate Oh, and what is the main theme here?..... Hmmm..... Oh, yeah.... SPACE AND DRONING!!!

This one just confuses me. It says that its the "enter" page. A splash of sorts to get you to the site... but there's. no. site. It's perplexing really. FamilyFriendly something-or-other, the header is Give Your Life To Jesus, and then just a bible quote? And I have tried, TRIED to click on anything imaginable, but nothing. I don't get it. If you figure it out let me know.

And perhaps my favorite one, which I'll be tackling more thoroughly in a later post. This is so full of vitriolic ranting that it's hard to read more of a few sentences without either laughing or throwing up. And yet again, more Droning.

Finally, a website I can get behind. I think it should be linked in every Christian site!

That should do it. I hope you enjoyed the lovely tour through the intranets. If you have any sites that you think should join the list, let me know! I can imagine you might know of a few.

Remeber, just because you read it on the internet, doesn't make it true.


Mike said...

HaMashiach Jeshua (Jesus the Messiah) wept Luke 19:37-44 over Jerusalem. His chosen people will soon 'look upon Him who they pierced'. Zechariah 12:10 He will come as King Psalm 2 and redeem this evil world where sin abounds. Look upon your Redeemer Job 19:23-26, our Suffering Servant Isaiah 53:10-12. Just as the bronze snake in the desert portrayed Numbers 21:7-9, He became sin for us and hung on a pole, taking punishment upon Himself as foretold in Isaiah Isaiah 53:5. Look in faith to the Angel of the Lord and LIVE! L'chayim!

Is that very weird? Yeah I can build statements from (not-my-own) documents(/thoughts) to convey my message, too!

Christians (Christian Websites: Why So Terrible? line 1, verse 1) have fallen victim (Christian Websites: Why So Terrible? line 23, verse 1) To (Christian Websites: Why So Terrible? line 26, verse 1) the (Christian Websites: Why So Terrible? line 1, verse 1) hope that Jesus can help that fat, gay, wheezing, pervert. (Christian Websites: Why So Terrible? line 13, verse 1)!(Christian Websites: Why So Terrible? line 7, verse 1)

I guess a bad example, but I was starting to get bored with the whole thing!

Mike said...

Ok... you all need to read this!

"de 'erb" hahahahahhahahahahhahaha

White, christians trying to be cool there!!?!?!?!!?!!??


And actual legal Rastas can smoke weed, in the US and/or Jamaica!


The weird one statement site. Using the web developer toolbar there are two elements on the page: one absolute fixed block level box (the ISAIAH shit) and the web stats link also absolutely fixed with a margin!

Mike aka MonolithTMA said...

OK, The Official God FAQ was hilarious!

Kelsey said...

Did anyone else notice the security bar on the first website? It's pretty fucking clever.