Wednesday, February 18, 2009

A Twelve Year Old Tells Us Abortion Is Wrong

What could be a more appropriate topic for a speech assignment is 7th grade? Maybe discussing Homo-Sin-Uality or Jesus being the ONLY path. (Notice the little slip of "Who knows them all by name).

I can't begin to figure out where to focus my diatribe:

Is it the viewpoint being expressed?

Is it the clearly obvious fact that this little girl didn't write this speech herself and at best is regurgitating what her parents are pounding in to her head like an abortionist's coat hanger?

Is it the fact that this was for a 7th grade class and if my child was subjected to this, I would be outraged?

Is it the facial expressions that border on Annie-like Broadway stage enthusiasm to the point that I almost picture this girl dressed as a fetus on a poorly built stage made to resemble a massive uterus while shouting, "TOMORROW, TOMORROW!"?

Is it the odd, bare background and shaky camera movement mixed with frequent religious undertones and reference notes that make me feel like I'm watching a lost Waco tape?

Is it the, let's face it, raping of Seuss' story?

Is it the overwhelmingly sour smugness that this girls voice and expression exude as she berates?

Is it her quoting a pro-life website's message board as an example in her persuasion as if it were, dare I say the words, gospel?

No, these things bother me, but the heart (half formed and unbeating) of the matter is this:

She's F'n Twelve!!!!!

How the hell am I supposed to take any amount of seriousness in a 12 year old's discourse on a matter as intricate and multi-faceted as The Godfather? You can't expect a twelve year old to comprehend the slightest notion of the film. It's sense of family ties, moral division, 30's - 60's era organized crime.... And that's just a fucking movie! If I can't expect a pre-teen to handle the complexities of a film, why on earth would I turn to one on something like abortion?

I have never once stopped and thought to myself, "My personal standings on a difficult issue are decidedly obtuse. I know, I'll ask someone who still believes in Santa!"

I guess I can take solace in the fact that her argument is at just about the appropriate age level. (I.E. it's childish and crude)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Passion For Christ Movement's "Ex-Campaign" Is Insulting... And Hilariously Misguided

So this website is making some... interesting shirts.

This is (I can't believe it either) a Christian message they are spreading. Somehow, they have decided that masturbation is something that needs to stop RIGHT NOW!! In their words:

We pray that you will join us in breaking the silence on an issue that has stayed silent for too long. Be the first to boldly rock your Ex-Masturbator shirt and let's change the world baby!
Now, apparently this is a pretty serious issue for this particular group of Christians. According to their partner-site, God is very much opposed to masturbation. Just read the letter he wrote for their article:

"Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly-but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder." *



It goes on to say that the only sexual intercourse that is OK is the intercourse that takes place in a (straight) marriage. Even at the expense of common sense...

The sensation that many long to achieve was instituted, manufactured and conceived in the factory of God's mind. He knew the functionality of it, the mechanics of it, and the modus operandi. And God's method of operation for sex is marriage. He created the fibers of sex to be so strong that it could only be contained in the confines of marriage.
So.... God created orgasms and then marriage to contain them. What? One word comes to mind (no, not crazy): Animals. Animals achieve orgasm as well as humans. We do this because procreation/sex is pleasurable. It's pleasurable because without it feeling good, we never would have done it and we wouldn't be here. Oh and it also feels good because.... It's SEX! SEX FEELS GOOD AND IT IS OK!!

Why is masturbation bad?

Because God never created solo sex.
This, after saying God created everything involving sex. I'm sorry, you can't have it both ways. (unless you happen to have that sexual lifestyle)

The article goes on and on to make pubescent kids feel bad about themselves so if you want to read the whole thing, you're on your own.

The not-so-subtle 'Ex-Masturbator' message printed on the shirts isn't the only one they are printing.

You can get your very own Ex-Diva (not sure what that has to do with being Christian), Ex-Hypocrite (again, cloudy on the context), Ex-Atheist, and perhaps the most insulting... Ex-Slave.

Yeah, Ex-Slave. How that in any way an OK thing to put on a shirt? I can only interpret it in the context of the actual person wearing the shirt. So they used to be a slave? A literal Slave? Or just a slave in some stretch pertaining to Jesus in some odd way? Is it wrong that I find it offensive that a black guy is wearing the shirt?
Is it just me, or is it completely disgusting and offensive?
It's like a shirt that says Ex-Holocaust Prisoner.
And to put it in the same line as 'Ex-Masturbator'?
I wonder what would be said if it were an Atheist company making the shirts.

Perhaps the scariest part of all this are the replies on the website from people scrambling to get these shirts. How can fighting your own physiology be healthy? I don't think I've ever heard anyone but religious zealots say it was bad or bad for you. I guess what I'm saying is this:

Don't be a Jerk: Jerk Off.