NILF?

I came across this today at D-Listed. Here's the scoop:

A priest in Italy will hold an online beauty contest for nuns to show the world that not all of them are old and homely. Rev. Antonio Rungi of Naples said he got the harebrained idea from the nuns he works with. He's lying. He probably got the idea from watching "America's Next Top Model." Thanks Tyra.

The "Miss Sister 2008" pageant will start next month. Nuns from around the world will be able to submit a picture of themselves along with a short bio. It will be their choice to pose with a veil or not. But can they post with JUST the veil and nothing else? I know there's some naughty nuns out there.

Rev. Rungi said, "We are not going to parade nuns in bathing suits. But being ugly is not a requirement for becoming a nun. External beauty is gift from God, and we mustn't hide it."

People will have one month to vote for which nun they think can "be a model." It's basically the holy version of "Hot or Not." Will the winner get a spread in the Catholic Bible?

Quick Update: Just a few hours after this went up, the Padre has canceled the show. Apparently his boss' were not pleased with the idea. Probably because they didn't go with the original plan; Fourth Graders. Thanks to D-List for the scoop.

Hamlet 2 Is Getting The Jesus Freaks All Testy

I dig Steve Coogan and I'm looking forward to seeing his new movie, Hamlet 2 once it makes it's way to the middle of nowhere. (I live one town over from there) I was on IMDB checking on release dates and happened upon some interesting ignorance on the forums. It seems that, since there is a running joke in the preview about a "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" music number, people are panning the film before it's even out and there are some really interesting comments on the film. Here are some of the interesting ones:

Me = Red

Them = Blue

Jesus didnt come here to be "sexy", sorry to dissapoint you. he came to save the world and he did, but still you have ppl like many imdb jerks who will not believe that and act all "eeh who cares its a sham", which i find very sad. and then they make the most asburd comments ive ever seen on here and its just like, pffft forget it, no point in trying to talk to these creeps.

How do you know if Jesus was sexy?

I'm eating my popcorn, enjoying myself and getting ready for the premiere show when that garbage filthy vile preview came on. I am authoring a letter to the animals who produced that movie and the local movie houses. If they play that piece of garbage in the theaters that I attend, it'llbe the last one I see there.

I bet you were first in line to see Expelled though.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatever a man sows, that shall he also reap.
Galatians 6:7


Oh shit, the quotes are starting.

I hate atheists, Every single one of them should go choke on a scientist's dick and just shut up about every one else's beliefs.


I had to respond to this one on the forum, it makes more sense to read the thing there.


Your reasoning is off. This movie spoofs Jesus. Had they made a movie that had shown Muhammad in a similar fashion, Muslims would not tolerate it. There would be a fatwa issued against those involved in the making of this movie. Salman Rushdie is still in hiding and remember the Muhammad cartoons published in Denmark?
Hollywood wouldn't dare. So they go after Christians who they know won't do nothing more than perhaps a protest. It just goes to show what cowards they are in Hollywood and sleazeballs for constantly denigrating religion.


Really? And I quote... eh hem... "Dirka.... Dirka... Muhammed.... Jihad." - Team America.

I'm boycotting this movie. Cause it makes fun of my Savior...and thats not cool.


You wouldn't get the movie anyway.

F--k muslims, f--k this movie, and f--k all you who think it's ok to make fun of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.


You said it! And by it, I mean the best possible summation of how ignorant and borderline retarded you are.

I hope this movie fails and if it succeeds, then God help all of us.


That's what I said about The Hottie and The Nottie

If you think this movie has some keen sense of comedy where a religious figure is transformed into some kind of stand up comic, you really, really need to take stock of your life.


Stock taken, see the movie so can learn what the word CONTEXT means.

Why is it always ok to make fun of Christians and Jesus in general?
Who ever said it was something that was ok to do?


I did. We cool?

Try pulling the same S*%# with the Muslims or Jews and your film career is over.
You automatically get labeled as insensitive or an anti-semite.
"F" this movie and all the people that contributed to it.

Again, please refer to the "Dirka" statement earlier. Oh, and how about EVERY cliche Jewish stereotype that has been portrayed in movies, either intentionally or just plain racist.

Well, I think we all learned something here. Christians will jump immediately to conclusions without the information or knowledge first, then proceed to angrily force that opinion on others.

Sounds about par for the course.

New Essay!

I know these aren't at all to do with Atheism, but they do stick with the blog title because I am in fact doing them, therefor answering the pesky question, "what would ray do?". ANYWAY, here's the new one, entitled T.G.I.F.A.I.D.S. Let me know what you think.


Dear American Broadcasting Company,

AIDS.

Now that I have your attention, let me spell it out for you.

A. I. D. S.

That’s right. I spelled it out for you. Are you shocked? Angry? Or… are you intrigued? My guess is the latter. And assuming this, I will continue to awe and entice you. Who gets AIDS? Well, you’d be surprised. Apparently, EVERYONE gets AIDS. Well, they CAN get it. I know, I know. I was just as amazed as you undoubtedly are. AIDS isn’t just for gays and black people anymore and its time we did something about it.

That’s why I’ve developed an almost unheard of strategy to stop the spread of AIDS and to bring health and unAIDSness to the masses. Why? Because I care… and no one else is doing a damn thing about it. I’m sure the world will want to give me a Nobel Prize or maybe feel the need to create and even Nebel-er Prize for my efforts, but I assure you my motives are purely humanitarian. Just the satisfaction of knowing I helped is enough. That and maybe an Emmy.

When I first heard about AIDS, I was flabbergasted. My gast was literally flabbered. I remember the day well, it was last Tuesday. “AIDS? That thing from the late 80’s,” I said. And I was right. Only, it didn’t end in the late 80’s like one would assume. No. It held on, much like ABC’s Friday night lineup, TGIF. Like AIDS, it too started in the late 80’s and grew. One would assume that AIDS faded out like the hit family comedy, The Dinosaurs or even managed to hang on as late as Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper. Surely it couldn’t last much longer. You’re wrong. Many fail to realize that it somehow stayed strong with shows like The Hughleys and many, many seasons of Step By Step. AIDS seemed to follow this formula by spreading throughout the world, completely unbeknownst to me and, I’m sure, everyone else.

But as TGIF segued into the wonderful edu-tainment news program 20/20, its time to stop laughing and get serious. We need to rally our people against this terrible and almost completely untalked-about disease. Or virus. Just as Polio was defeated or Lou Gehrig cured Lou Gehrig’s Disease, it is time to raise awareness for this horrible affliction. While I don’t know exactly what AIDS is or does, I have heard it’s pretty bad. Isn’t time we stopped it? Isn’t it time we started talking about it? Hasn’t it been long enough without people hearing about AIDS, or even its apparently benign cousin, HIV?

My proposal is simple; Reinstate the wonderfully fun and entertaining family programming of TGIF and involve AIDS themes in every single show. That’s two solid, quality programming hours of AIDS education. The best part? Fun while you learn. And isn’t that the best part of anything? Now I know that with this venture we will need a host. This host will have to be charismatic, charming, well known and educated in AIDS. This is a steep order, I know. But rest assured, I have thought of everything. The wonderful, sparkling personality of one Mr. Irving ‘Magic’ Johnson should be the perfect Host Shoe to our AIDS Friday Foot. (that analogy was beautiful) I did some research and, while it doesn’t appear that Mr. Magic was ever on TGIF, he does own a TGIFridays. I think that’s pretty close. Kismet?

I know the fine people of ABC are probably concerned with television things like ratings and demographics, but let me ease your query. With another disease, lets say the most popular one, Cancer, falls into demographics limbo. Why? Simple. Only women have breast-cancer and only men have prostate-cancer; Split demographic. But with AIDS, the whole family can benefit! AIDS babies, AIDS kids, AIDS Moms and AIDS Dads. Even Grandpa can get AIDS. It’s a win-win. In fighting AIDS I mean.

In closing, while TGIF was (and can still be!) entertaining and uproariously hilarious, AIDS is a serious matter. With your help, and my brilliant plan, we can bring AIDS to the forefront of the American mind where it belongs. No longer can it be something no one knows anything about. Its time we made AIDS history. And made AIDS history. I meant that two different ways, you know, cure it and also a monumental achievement made by me to cure AIDS.

Sincerely,

Raymond Harrington


P.S. – I’m not opposed to having my own show on the new TGIF either. Just so you and I know that. I’m open to anything.

Religulous!

While part of me sees Bill Maher as a poor man's Dennis Miller who, in turn, is a poor man's... The man was in What Happens In Vegas!

Okay okay, I can appreciate both guys for what they have to say. And even more so with Bill Maher, now that he's coming out with his new movie, Religulous.

Here, watch this.




Isn't that fun? I can't wait to see this. Yes, there have been some recent claims that his "tactics" were akin to the intellectual holocaust that is Ben Stein (Yeah, I said that.) but I'm willing to wait and see what there is here. After all, it comes from the Borat gang and frankly, you can't make a subversive documentary that has the religious right and TELL them you don't believe in God.

"Excuse me, Mr. Hitler? Hi, Shalom Goldmansteinberg here. Can I ask you a few questions?"

See, doesn't work.

Also, I recommend the Religulous website for some fun goodies to check out.

Essay: I Am (Will Be) Legend

My friend, Ryan Waning and I have made a deal to try our hand at writing some humorous essays and see what comes of it. Being stand-up comics and english majors both, we thought we were pretty capable. Now we shall see! Here is my first in what I hope are bunches:


I Am (Will Be) Legend


People always (never) ask me, “Ray, what is your plan to become Legendary?”
I always (never) reply, “The Plan.” This usually confuses people as my response is really just a restatement of the initial question. The reason I keep the answer vague is two-fold (three-fold);

1. It’s complicated.
2. I don’t want them to steal The Plan.
3. People rarely have the innovation and imagination and… -ation to recognize the amazing genius behind The Plan. (The genius is me.)

The Plan is quite simple and 100% (0%) fool-proof. The key to becoming Legendary is this;
Become famous, grow a beard and die.
You’re amazed.

This process has worked through out history in creating legendary people and it is time to take it, use it, make it mine. That’s right, everyone (My Mom) is going to realize they were wrong when they said Ray Harrington will never be anything. No longer will they say, “That’s Ray. He’s not legendary.” They’ll say, “That’s Ray. He’s a Legend.”

You may be asking yourself (You’re not), who has benefited from this Plan in the past? Well, let me answer your question with another question; Have you ever met a Legend? You haven’t. Because they’re all dead. Allow me to enlighten you (Make a list).

Abraham Lincoln

Jim Morrison

Jesus Christ

What do they have in common? Aside from being the obvious (Awesome beards), they’re all dead and Legendary. You can’t argue with greatness and that is what these men were. Great. Ness. After extensive research (45 seconds on Google), I have discovered that nearly all (Eighteen) Legendary men have beards… and are dead. Now the only question left to answer is, “How Legendary do I want to be?”

I could go full on Legend like Jesus, but I lack a lot of the key elements of his Legendary-osity (I am real). It seems most God-types, while mainly being arrogant, also follow the Beard-Dead Rule. Moses is another Judeo-Christian Legend but let us not forget Zeus and Poseidon. Two stunning beards and also dead, literarily speaking. No I think I will refrain from the supernatural and focus on more Earthly Legends. The mystical has always been lost on me, though Confucius had a pretty rocking beard. And he’s dead.

Perhaps a more artistic approach is needed for my goal (Destiny) to be achieved. John Lennon and Jerry Garcia, both bearded and dead, seem likely candidates, however I would need to learn an instrument to play and be able to write lyrics and what-not. And while being worthy of the title of Legend, I am not musically inclined (Love ABBA). Vincent Van Gogh and Ernest Hemingway are both Beard Legends but again, I don’t want to have to develop similar traits (Like talent, skill or alcoholism).

It seems that historical political Legends could be the way to go as they really don’t have to do anything particular other than speak eloquently (I speak SO good). However, upon further research (Another 30 seconds on Google), I find I lack the necessary mindset and achievements necessary to qualify as a political Legend. I don’t have anything in common with Abe Lincoln (I didn’t free black people), Robert E. Lee (I don’t hate black people), Frederick Douglass (I’m not black), or W.E.B Du Bois (I don’t know who that is).

I suppose a more sinister Legend can be achieved by becoming ominous, but to be honest, I just don’t have the dedication. It takes a lot of time to cultivate the proper level of “sinister” that say, Rasputin had (Not to mention his quite impressive beard). And the more academic ominous-ness-osity of say, Nietzsche requires more writing than I wish to do and I don’t incline to do any. Besides, he really didn’t have a beard, just a HUGE mustache. I also ruled out Osama Bin Laden for obvious reasons (His beard is rather unkempt).

No, the route I must take will be that of the consummate entertainer. Even Shakespeare is a Beard Legend, although I will not be following his example (Again, no writing, and I’m not Gay). The list is short in this field and I have it narrowed down to two Legends:

Santa

“Uncle Jesse” From Dukes of Hazzard

You might be saying (You’re not), It’s obvious! Go with Santa! But folks, its not that simple. Sure, Santa is much more Legendary than Uncle Jesse, but he also has a bitch of a time during the Holidays (And Jewish people think he’s a cunt). After some difficult debating (Thought about it for a few minutes while I was in the bathroom [I was pooping {not that its any of your business}]), I have decided that the only recourse in this endeavor is to embrace the Bearded Legend that is Uncle Jesse.

He fits all the requirements of Legend;

Beard – Check

Famous – Check

Dead – Sadly, Check

So it is to be, I will take up the mantle of Legend in following Uncle Jesse’s guiding light. Upside? Sweet car. Downside? Johnny Knoxville and Jessica Simpson. And Sean William Scott. And the fact that its Dukes of Hazzard. But to focus on the negative is to invite defeat (Defeat is not invited). I will embrace the call to Legend and will delight in the day when everyone (Mom) says, “I knew him when” (Because I will never talk to her or any one I know after I am a Legend). Will it be a hard road? Yes (Not really). Will I persevere? Yes (No). Will I take full advantage of my status with the ladies? Yes (Yes).

After reading this, you may scoff or jibe or mock or deride or gibe or jeer (All taken from a thesaurus) at The Plan, but ponder this query (I didn’t look that up, I just knew it because I’m smart):

Is it better to be nothing in life (No), or to be Uncle Jesse from Dukes of Hazzard, Legend (Yes)?

Need To Confess About Your Porn Addiction?

For all my readers (3 people), you may be wondering where I've been for the last week and a half. Church, I've been at church. Jesus is amazing and I love him and he loves me and we're going to be sooooo happy together when I die.

To be honest, I felt kind of lack-luster when no one responded to my post about the creepy and insidious Australian church. OH WELL!

Here's one for you:

The XXX Church, while originally getting my hopes up, turns out to be just an ordinary church with a focus on "rescuing" people from porn. Check here to confess!

Isn't porn what the internet is FOR? I mean, yeah the internet is great for communicating and all that, but isn't porn one of the original guiding forces that expanded the success of the internet? Let's be honest here. Statistics show that Porn is the top reason people are online anyway. If you think about it, odds are that the people going to confess JUST MASTURBATED ON THE NET. Downtrodden and ready to slide their sticky mouse to the "Save Me" box and click away the sin of chicks with dicks and donkey shows. (While I've never actually witnessed either of these things, I find the poetic alliteration involved delightful... and I accidentally saw a chicks with dicks...thing unwittingly and it ruined my day. RUINED.)

So click away the sin, but realize all you're really doing is relieving the guilt.

Oh Ricky...

I came across a video on youtube that blew my mind the other day and while its not Atheism related, I felt the need to post it.

Here's the original clip:




And here's the clip I may or may not have edited. WATCH THIS ONE!!

Hillsong's "Shine" Class Drags The Woman's Movement Back To The 90's...The 1890's

Hillsong is an Australian Church Organization that has turned franchise and popped up all over the place. (You can check out their site here)

Mostly known for their praise music, they also have quite a bit going on in the schools as well.... PUBLIC schools. And what do they learn? Let's read a little from the article I found:

Every Tuesday afternoon during the first term at Matraville Sports High School, a group of young women take part in classes intended to boost their self-esteem. Some have personal problems, others have behavioural issues, while a few simply go because their friends do.

For the next two hours they learn a range of skills including how to put on make-up, do their hair and nails, and walk with books balanced on their heads.

Really?? That's supposed to boost self-esteem? Being a good little woman? How about TEACHING them something. Or... maybe try talking to them like human beings and not "training" them to be subservient. Didn't this shit die out right around the same time Polio did? (Ironic that religion tried to keep BOTH around, read some Hitchens to see what I mean)

Let's keep reading:

Hillsong describes Shine as a “practical, life-equipping, values-based course” and its website is awash with glowing testimonials from young women whose lives have been improved by learning about “being a good friend” and “learning about myself”.

Practical? Maybe, but don't girls learn ALL of this in everyday life? I mean, I never had to take a class on how to ride a bike or play man-hunt. (if you don't know what man-hunt is, its basically hide and seek but more... manly.... or something.... I don't know, it was what almost every guy has called it to make it seem a little less childish that they played hide and seek when they were 14... just drop it!)

Life-equipping? I don't even think that's a real word. Isn't that just a hot-button term that fills up space on a powerpoint presentation? Life-equipping. My Mom works with "Special Needs" and I think that's one of the things she has to do. Life-equipping. I had that lesson course; My Dad called me once and said, "Ray, don't grow up to be like me". Does that count?

Values-based? Okay, they like hyphens. By the way, from now on when you hear the term "Values-Based" just go ahead and use this equation:

Values Based = Christian Rules + Fear of Homosexuality - Tolerance

Let's keep reading:

“Through skin care, natural make-up, hair care, nail care girls discover their value and created uniqueness,” the material says.

Jesus Christ on a PogoStick, what the hell does that MEAN??? Oh, right. Let me translate that;

"Troubled girls often dress like Godless sluts and we want to change that. It's about time we had a return to good Christian Values."

See? That was easier to understand.

Thankfully, most people are aware of the blatant attempt to "infiltrate" the schools and the minds of young women:

“Over the last two or three years teachers have been coming to us with concerns about Shine,” said the president of the Hills Teachers Association, Sui-Linn White. “It is the gender stereotypes that they are imposing. The focus on skin care, nail care, hair care - it objectifies women … These are things women fought against for centuries - they’ve got no place in a public school.”
[...]

Parents groups from Queensland and the Northern Territory have complained that their schools have tried to sneak Shine in almost unnoticed.

“In our view, this is a way of getting religion into schools through subterranean means,” said one parent, Hugh Wilson. “The principal or the chaplain decides it’s a good idea and, next thing you know, your kids are being taught about make-up by the Hillsong Church.”

I love you, Hugh Wilson. Thankfully, parents like him are there to spot this. But why does it continue? Do some girls lack the older female role-model they need? Sure, so do some boys. But that is so far removed from the "teaching" that goes on in these classes that it just reinstates horrible stereotypes and societal controls that we have long since removed from our communities.... And I went to Home Ec!!

Oh, and for those of you that read the article and noticed the Anorexia Tag at the bottom, I'll be covering that VERY soon.

In Space, No One Can Hear You Pray

Answers In Genesis is yet another wonderful tool used by Literalists to brainwash kids. If you haven't heard of it, I really recommend finding out about it. They are the people who started the Creation Museum, the monument to "Make Our Own History" that plagues the religious world.

ANYWAY, I just came across this page in their kid's magazine...

Would you like to walk on the moon or fly in a space shuttle? Have you considered becoming a scientist? Scientists get to study all sorts of amazing things. And Christian scientists can study science in a way other scientists can’t. Knowing who God is and what He said in His Word, the Bible, is where knowledge really begins!

Um, I'm pretty sure you need to know a lot more than whats in the Bible to become anything like an astronaut. Physics helps. So does complex Geometry and the like. Oh and understanding that the earth is ROUND would be good as well, considering Galileo was tortured to death by the church for stating the very fact that the earth revolves around the sun, it doesn't look likely that "Christian Scientists" are very open to interpreting the facts correctly.

Christian Scientist.... is that not the most preposterous combination of words that you can imagine? Let's see, we'll take two words that have NO correlation and combine them to create a "field" that goes against the very foundation of knowledge and intelligence. First we tried a few other terms, but it didn't work out that well.

We tried Cookie Doctor, but there was a split in the group about "chewy" or "soft".

Isn't it just a little too close to Disney's Imagineers? Now I'm starting to get it. A massive organization that takes wants your money and constantly talks about their dead leader... I can't tell them apart. (other than Walt actually existed)

Why Can't They Make A Coherent Video?

This video starts out as someone's idea of a clever little "letter to God" and devolves into what can only be considered the youtube equivalent of a crazy, muttering senior-citizen in the throes of a "back in my day" fit. Enjoy!


UPDATE:

Considering the church shooting that just happened hours after I posted this, I would say the entire opening of this clip is voided. Unless God isn't allowed in church either? I really hope I don't sound careless when I point out the irony of a church shooting.