My fiance' and I have been talking lately about the future (as soon-to-be-married people are oft to do), but we've had trouble coming to a "win-win" solution. Here's the question:
To Bapt or not to Bapt?
Now, obviously neither of us want to have a baptism for our children, but we both recognize that our families might feel different. My mother, I'm sure would probably want it and my fiance' seems to think her mother might as well.
While we're both in agreement that it's not something we want to do, we've split in one aspect of the discussion; Can't we just let our parents do it if they want it?
My feeling is that, because the ceremony has no meaning to anyone outside of that faith and the child certainly doesn't know what's going on, then what's the harm of letting our parents, the baby's grandparents, have their baptism? It doesn't change the baby and it certainly doesn't affect or hurt anyone in the least bit. The child grows up not even remembering the day, and the people we care about that feel it is a necessary ceremony will have their rest-easy feeling. My fiance' and I just won't be a part of that day. Our parents, if they want to have a baptism, can plan it and arrange it and take the baby to church and get them dipped. We won't be a part of it, but no harm in letting them do it, and why create an unnecessary fight or make any one upset over a sink of water?
But my fiance' thinks otherwise. If we don't want it, then we shouldn't allow it to happen in any situation... or should we? We're both unsure as to what to do. Both points valid and, I'm sure, arguable by anyone. Her main point being that, we're The Parents and we should raise our children the way we want to. I can completely see the point and we just don't know what to do when that time comes.
It's interesting to think that we both have the same reason for either not wanting it or not minding it. But here's the difference in opinion: Hers being that, because we don't believe in the ceremony, we shouldn't allow it to happen to our children. My opinion being that, because we don't believe in the ceremony, who gives a shit if they do it and it makes our parents happy.
So what to do?
Dip, no dip?
Let me know! Oh, and by the way, we are not I repeat NOT having children anytime soon. We were simply discussing it last night for when we do have children. Just wanted to make a disclaimer!
9 comments:
Here's an EASY way out, DON'T HAVE CHILDREN! DON"T commit to this world of pain, suffering, over-population, greed, etc. an another person, that's what the Sarah Palin's of the world are for. Children and marriage are completely TWO different things. To become married DOES NOT automatically mean you have to have children, and there are plenty of married couples, by choice, that do not have children.
I know this is a bit sidetracked from the discussion, but I wanted to make the point. And... I'm not sure why people look at me like I have Ten-Thousand Dicks sticking out of my head when I say that.
Your belief are your beliefs, your parents beliefs are their beliefs. You are your parents children, they had a say in your upbringing, of course. DON'T YOU HAVE A SAY IN YOUR OWN CHILDREN'S UPBRINGING?
How do you break habits? How do you change ideals, passions, philosophies? How do stop archaic traditions? Um, BY FUCKING DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
It is not your parent's life, it is not your parent's wedding, it is not anything for your parents.
Now I'll say this YOU GUYS DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY. But, if you decide to go with NO BAPTISM, Ray, Kaleena... you have a powerful ally, if you need one.
If it was me, I think you know what I would do! But, I've already told my parents, grandmothers, aunts, and uncles to fuck off about going to church at christmas time. What's so different?
There's some proverb about some kind of stiff tree snapping in the wind, but some other kind of flexible tree weathering the storm. Or something.
I'm firmly on your side, Ray. Who gives a shit if your future (hypothetical) child gets dipped or not. Seriously, in what way is that going to be harmful to him (or her)(or it), or to you. Can't think of a single way. However, if it means something to your parents, and you blow their feelings off, it could lead to a lifetime of discomfort. There's a lot to be said for keeping the peace.
Also, if you don't baptise the kid, how will he be able to piss off his high school teachers later by holding a debaptism ceremony.
I think baptisms are generally useless. However, should your baby start making friends with demon dogs, black eyed psycho nannies and have the ability to impale priests with steeples using his mind, then the sizzling that occurs when the holy water hits baby head may just be the evidence you need to firmly conclude that you have spawned the next Damien.
Baptism is another facet of control. And I for one WILL NOT accept that kind of control from my parents, I get enough of it from the rest of the world.
Maybe this is something we really wont be able to figure out until that time comes. I just dont see the point of putting on a big show if we both think its a crap ceremony. I also think that if we stay to the grandparents that you can do the ceremony we just wont be there. I think both sides will say then forget it because if you two arent there then what does it matter. We will see...
a) don't have children - it's not compulsory!
b) if you ignore a) then DON'T baptise the poor child, or allow anyone else to do it instead of you. remember it's your child not your parents, grandparents, other family or friends child.
You are going to be the poor suckers raising the child and having to explain to it why it's atheist parents allowed their child to be religiously tagged at birth. It won't know at the time but it will find out; like when the grandparents drag out the baptism photos to show the child's boyfriend/girlfriend.
I was never baptized. And I seem to be fine.
crog the viking prince, wait to you die, St. Peter will laugh at you, strike you down and send you to Hell!
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